My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
