I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
