dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
