Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
