So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
