so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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