i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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