Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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