the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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