And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
