I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
