i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want to be your penis for a week.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize