Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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