He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
