Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
