can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
