i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
