My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
