did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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