I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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