its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
