you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
