so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
