So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
