I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
