I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
