I'm lost and stupid without you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
