i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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