My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
