Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
