My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
