this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
