are you so shy because you have an std?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
