Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
