Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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