forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He shit in the fireplace
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
