Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
