Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
"it" just moved
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
