and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
