I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize