bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
