I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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