Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
