His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
