I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
