i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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