I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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