I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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