Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
