Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
