Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
