some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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