I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
