Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
