You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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