And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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