Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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