What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
