great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
