you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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