i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please come you make the beer taste better
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
