Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
