just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
