He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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