I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
