What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
