...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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