really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
