Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
