Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
